A repair kit for the hard nights

What is in the repair kit?

The Repair screen opens with a short note: hard nights happen to every couple, and these tools help you find your way back. Four tiles follow:

• Cool down: a timer and slow breathing.
• Say it softly (Plus): turn a complaint into a request.
• Repair phrases: gentle lines, 5 free and 40 with Plus.
• Talk later?: ask for a calm time to talk.

How does the cool-down timer work?

Choose 10, 20 or 30 minutes and tap Start. A breathing guide says Breathe in and Breathe out, with optional gentle haptic ticks. A Let your partner know button sends a short message that you are taking the time and will come back to talk. When the timer ends, Twolight asks Ready to talk? Start softly, and offers Say it softly or Not yet.

The idea of pausing when you are flooded comes from relationship research, such as research on conflict in couples.

In what order do I use the tools?

There is no required order. One sequence that works on a hard night:

1. Tap Cool down, choose a length and start breathing.
2. Tap Let your partner know, so a silence does not read as a punishment.
3. When the timer ends, tap Say it softly if you have a complaint, or Repair phrases if you owe an apology.
4. If talking still feels too heavy, use Talk later? and agree on a time.

How long should I cool down?

The timer offers 10, 20 or 30 minutes. Relationship researchers' guidance on flooding says to take at least 20 minutes, but no more than 24 hours, apart during an argument, and to spend that time on something soothing, not rehearsing your case. If you can, choose 20 or 30.

What does Say it softly do?

It builds one sentence in three parts: I feel (pick from 12 feelings such as lonely, overwhelmed, unheard, tired), when (in your own words), and I need. A preview reads, for example, I feel lonely when our evenings disappear into our phones. I need 15 minutes with you after the kids sleep. You can copy it, send it to your partner or tell it in person.

What are the repair phrases?

Forty short lines such as Can we start over?, I'm on your side, even right now., and I need a few minutes, and then I want to come back to this. Tap Copy or Send. Five are free, and the rest open with Plus.

What does a good soft start-up sound like?

Research on conflict describes a harsh start-up as beginning an argument with great aggression or at an inappropriate time (see the Wikipedia summary of this research). Say it softly is the opposite: a feeling, a moment and a request. I feel unheard when I finish a sentence and you are already on your phone. I need a minute of your full attention at dinner.

What does Talk later? send?

A calm message such as Alex wants to talk about earlier, calmly. When is good? Your partner picks a time, and nobody has to have the conversation at the worst moment.

What are the limits?

Twolight says plainly that it is not therapy. If you feel unsafe, the Safety resources screen explains how to reach emergency services and trusted people, and Settings can delete all Twolight data on the spot.

Who is it for?

Couples who want a simple structure for a bad evening. Partners who tend to go quiet and want a way to say so kindly. Partners who tend to say too much and want a short sentence to hold on to. It does not replace a conversation. It makes one possible.

What can the kit not do?

It cannot repair a pattern on its own, and both of you need to want the conversation. Twolight is a communication aid and says so on the screen. It does not diagnose, rate your relationship or tell you who is right. When a problem is serious or recurring, a licensed counselor is the right person to talk to.